Nightmare Melodies
by Zemia
Summary: Suguru's always been a shadow of Tohma, even down to the smile. But all shadows hide even darker secrets. Can the greenhaired keyboardist’s bandmates and friends help him with his?
1. Chapter 1

**Nightmare Melodies**

by: Zemia

Disclaimer: Nobody in the Gravitation universe belongs to me. I claim no kinship whatsoever and sing Maki Murakami's praises. The only thing I'm getting out of writing these is sick sadistic pleasure out of making the character's lives even more difficult.

A/N: I THINK I can only put up the first couple of chapters of this, not sure yet. Have to re-read the rules in regards to self-mutilation and stuff. This story is as old as Ghost Monk, tho I've never shared it with more than two people before. It's … a lot darker. Well, we'll see.

**Chapter 1 – The Breaking Point**

With nothing to do while Sakano droned on and on to Shuichi about the seriousness of the band, what with them gaining popularity after all, seventeen year old Suguru leaned his chin on his palm and stared out the window. The nagging had tugged on memories he wished he could suppress, and hoped, once a few years had gone by, he could.

The breaking point.

---Five Years Previous---

"Suguru! Suguru! Dammit where IS that boy!?" Mrs. Fujisaki stalked through the expansive house, looking all over for her elusive eleven year old son. Since she couldn't hear any music, that meant he wasn't practicing, again. If he was home. If he wasn't, she'd make sure he stayed there until school started up again on Monday. "SUGURU! Don't make me yell for you, it's improper!"

Finally, a head of tussled green hair peered over the banister of the main stairs. "Yes, mother?" he asked, his voice soft and low.

"Ah. There you are. Come down here, I want to speak with you." Mrs. Fujisaki beckoned to him almost cordially. It wouldn't do for _her_ to go up to _him_. She'd just have to go down the stairs again. When he reached her, she patted his hair, then frowned. "Good. Oh, you didn't brush your hair again!? Honestly, Suguru, you'll never make a good appearance THAT way. And stand up straight. Don't slouch."

"Sorry, mother." Suguru replied, standing up straighter.

"Good boy. Now. My good news." His mother immediately beamed, getting that glint in his eyes that always made him nervous. "I've enrolled you in that Musical Recital at your school! Now you can show off to all of your friends and their family how you're so much like your cousin, Tohma! You'll be playing this..." She pulled out several sheets of music, and allowed him to look it over.

"Mother, it's next week, and I've never seen this before..." Suguru tried, getting a bad feeling about this. He didn't bother to tell her he didn't _have_ any friends. Let alone need to impress them.

his head again, she then dismissed him. "Well, then you'd best be on your way. You'll take all of your meals in your room until it's perfected."

"Yes ... mother." Suguru immediately turned and headed up the stairs again. He could see that he was probably facing no suppers for a few days.

Waving her manicured nails at him, she trilled a last parting shot. "Make me as proud as Auntie Seguchi!"

_Perfect. Just perfect._

-----

Seven days later, and two pounds lighter, Suguru stood at rigid attention as his mother fussed over every detail of his appearance. His nerves were shot, he had butterflies in his stomach and his fingers hurt. And, worst of all, his mother had praised about him to the entire school of how he was **just as good as, if not better than**, his cousin, TOHMA SEGUCHI!

Finally, it was his turn, and he sat down at the grand piano that had been pushed out onto the stage just for him. Managing a shy smile for those in the audience, Suguru turned to the keys and began playing by rote. Since _Tooooohhmmaaaa_ didn't need sheet music, he wasn't allowed to have any for this either. Which sucked, because he was still having trouble with this one part. The horrible stage fright wasn't helping either. The piece was getting closer and…. There it was. The few notes he'd fucked up, just like every time in practice.

Continuing on, since he couldn't stop now, he didn't NEED to look to see his mother's death glare. It wasn't fair! It just wasn't, being compared to a cousin who was already full grown. Not only was he full grown, he was married and .. and… and had Auntie Seguchi who'd praised his achievements instead of harping on his faults. Swallowing back the tears in his eyes, he finished the piece, rose to the thunderous applause and stepped backstage. He didn't even bother listening to the judges announce that he'd won first place.

He'd spend the next two months in his room.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**Nightmare Melodies**

by: Zemia

Disclaimer: Nobody in the Gravitation universe belongs to me. I claim no kinship whatsoever and sing Maki Murakami's praises. The only thing I'm getting out of writing these is sick sadistic pleasure out of making the character's lives even more difficult.

**Chapter 2 – Nightmare Melodies**

---Two Months Later---

"Time for school, Suguru!" the voice echoed throughout the house.

Suguru turned over, placed the pillow over his head and pretended to still be asleep. Any minute now, the pounding would start. On schedule, first the knocking, then the banging, began on his door. "Suguru! Suguru! Get up!'

The door opened and in stepped his mother, primly dressed, who went immediately to the bed and smacked at the covers. "You're going to be late."

"Fine." Suguru muttered, pulling away from his mother. "Don't care."

"You may not care, but I do. If you're late for school you'll spend another week in here! Is that clear, young man!?" Striding to the door, Mrs. Fujisaki turned and glared coolly at her son. "I said, is that clear?"

From under the covers, his voice muttered, "Yes, mother."

Glaring at him one last time, she swept out of the room, leaving the door open behind her. When he knew she was really gone, or at least gone for the next ten minutes, Suguru got out of bed and headed for the hiding spot in his closet. Digging around, he uncovered a loose floorboard and pulled out a notebook. Shoving it into his pack, he left his bedroom, already fully dressed.

Leaving the house without eating, Suguru walked halfway to school before he veered off, towards the small forest that was situated behind the school grounds. Hidden within the foliage, there was a small grove that housed a shelter made by two rocks leaning on each other, as well as a stream nearby. Seating himself comfortably, he pulled the notebook out of his pack, and flipped it open to the page he'd scribbled on last.

Glancing at the sheet music lines he'd written himself, his wine-colored eyes scanned the notes, almost all of them residing on the bottom three lines, humming them gently to himself. As he hummed, the melodies emerged as if beckoned from somewhere deep within. In the bright light of day, he continued scribbling out the notes on the page he'd dubbed _Nightmare Melodies_.

------

The school's clock rung the lunch hour and Suguru jerked his head up to stare at it. Stuffing his book into his pack, he rose and, dusting himself off, bolted for the school. If he was there for lunch, he could not only get some, but they couldn't legally say he hadn't gone to school. Sneaking into the cafeteria, he'd managed to snag something that he could save to eat for later. Then he picked out another item to eat there.

While looking around for a seat, a young male teacher, actually the school's nurse, came up behind him and put a hand to the tangled mess of green hair. "Come with me." Just three words, though kindly spoken, holding the edge of one not to be denied. Swallowing his fear, and thoroughly blushing, Suguru meekly bowed his head and followed behind.

When they were in the infirmary, Nurse Inichi, a slender and quite attractive twenty-three year old, motioned to a chair for Suguru to sit in. Bowing his head, Suguru lowered himself into the seat, fiddling with the lunch he'd taken from the lunchroom without paying for.

"If you're worried about not having paid for that," Nurse Inichi began, motioning to the food, "I'll take care of it once we're done." Even his voice was quiet, low and even. It was meant to soothe as he tended the various hurts that the kids generally accrued on a daily basis.

Nodding slowly, Suguru blushed again, then put the sandwich down before he fiddled it to death. "Yes, sir."

"Look at me, please, Suguru."

Suguru jerked his head up, to stare into the warm and amused eyes of the elder man. He'd always been fascinated by them, they were of a rich warm brown, with hints of violet and gold. They had to be contacts, but they were gorgeous nonetheless. Blushing again, he wet his lips and asked, "Sir?"

"Better. I just want to talk to you without having to stare at the crown of your head." Nurse Inichi joked before seating himself as well. "The principal is concerned that you haven't been to school. He thinks you've become gravely ill, for some strange reason." Something in his tone alluded to the idea that he had something to do with it. "But I've been watching you sneak in at lunchtimes. Is there something wrong, Suguru, that you no longer come to school?"

"I…." Suguru shook his head, unable to know how to explain it. He just knew, somehow, that he didn't belong here. He didn't belong anywhere but in front of a keyboard. "I was…."

"If you're absent much longer, your principal will call home. I'd rather not see you get into trouble, Suguru." He replied, reaching out and touching the boy's shoulder.

That simple touch caused Suguru to squirm. It made his body want to do things, but he didn't know what it wanted. Swallowing past a dry throat, he croaked before clearing it and murmuring, "I hate my mother."

Releasing his hold, Nurse Inichi pulled out a bottle of water from his small fridge, passing it to the boy. "Well that's not very nice of you to say. I'm sure she loves you very much."

"No she doesn't. She only cares that I'm not as good as _Tohma_." Suguru bit out, his cousin's name being a particularly low growl.

Pausing, the nurse sat back down, frowning in thought. "Tohma .. Seguchi? The keyboardist from Nittle Grasper?"

"That's right. He's my cousin, and I'm always being compared to him by my mother." In a high falsetto, he mimicked, "Make me as proud as Auntie Seguchi!!" Shaking his head in disgust, he muttered, "BLEH."

"Why do you think she wants you to be like him, instead of who you are?"

The answer, when it came, was almost childish in tone and words. "Because she doesn't like Suguru."

Heart aching for the boy, Nurse Inichi took a deep breath. "Well, I like Suguru. And I don't want to see Suguru getting into trouble, or hurt. So, if you ever need to talk, please, the door's open. Alright?"

"Alright." Suguru smiled a bit at him, now quiet and shy.

Nurse Inichi eyed him for another moment before asking, "Promise?"

Nodding, Suguru then beamed at him, as bright a smile as anybody'd ever seen. "I promise."

"Good. But you should really start going back to school. You've missed so much work." He got up to pull his own lunch out of the fridge.

Snorting, Suguru took that as a sign that he could eat too, and began to unwrap the food. "I know all the work. It's the English classes I've been missing more of."

"It's the English classes you need the most!" Nurse Inichi volleyed back, laughing now.

With a shrug, Suguru had promised to get back to it, which was rewarded with another kind smile and gentle words of encouragement. He wasn't in love, but Suguru knew he really liked this man, a man twelve years his senior. It would not compare with his true love though, a violet-eyed man with the voice like honey on a warm day, who would make his day by patting his head whenever he was caught sneaking peeks into the rehearsals.

Nurse Inichi's offer would always be there for Suguru. Unfortunately, the man would not be.

A week later, Nurse Inichi had been killed by a drunk driver as he was crossing the street. Three days after that, the entire school attended his funeral. Two days after _that_, Suguru disappeared from school again.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

**Nightmare Melodies**

by: Zemia

Disclaimer: Nobody in the Gravitation universe belongs to me. I claim no kinship whatsoever and sing Maki Murakami's praises. The only thing I'm getting out of writing these is sick sadistic pleasure out of making the character's lives even more difficult.

**Chapter Three – Song of Pain**

The car pulled up to the curb in front of the school. Suguru's father, having been forced to 'make sure he goes' by his wife, turned to his son with a sigh. "Suguru, I know that she's being hard on you, but she really is just looking out or your well—"

"NO SHE DOESN"T! SHE'S LOOKING OUT FOR HER FUTURE MONEYMAKER! SO SHE CAN SIT ON HER ASS AND---"  
Mr. Fujisaki frowned, raising his voice just a bit. "Suguru!"

Suguru calmed down immediately. It wasn't often that his _father_ was the one to raise his voice. "Sorry." It was another thing that stood his parents apart. He could actually speak with his father, without having to call him 'father' all of the time.

"I know. But you have to go to school. They wouldn't hold your mother responsible. They'd hold ME responsible as I'm … well… legally… the head of household." His tone held a great deal of humor over the fact that his wife ruled the house with an iron fist.

Suguru, however, was no where near happy, let alone amused, by the fact that his father let his mother walk all over him. He turned away to stare at the school. Sighing, his father continued, "You don't want to see me taken away and go to jail because of your defiance, do you?"

"No, dad." Suguru pulled his backpack to him and opened the door. "See you at two…"

"I love you, Suguru. Always remember that. Okay?" his father tried, though he didn't expect much of a response to his quiet son.

Biting his lip, Suguru muttered, "Love you too, dad." Closing the door, shutting that part of his life out, he turned and disappeared into the building.

With another sigh, Mr. Fujisaki drove home to have another talk with his wife. As usual, it probably wouldn't do much good, but he had to try. Or they were going to lose their son.

------

"I bet he dyes it. That is just not a normal hair color…"

"What eleven year old dyes their hair green!? Do you think he does down there too?'

"Hnn good idea, let's find out." One of the boys called out to Suguru, "HEY WEEDHEAD! We wanna ask you something!!!"

Suguru ignored them as he stalked towards the cafeteria. He was used to the kids picking on his hair, or his eyes, or both. He'd been accused of being conceived on Christmas a couple of times when his parents had had a weeee bit too much candy cane eggnog.

"HEY! I'm talking to you! How dare you ignore me!?" The kid ran up to Suguru and pushed his shoulder roughly to get him to turn around.

That was all it took. Suguru whirled around and swung his pack towards the older boy. Connecting, he watched in horror as the kid stumbled back, holding an eye that was already bruising. Stepping back a pace, he turned and ran as everyone laughed at the older kid for being clocked by the little freak.

Running into one of the bathrooms on the higher floors, where the younger grades couldn't go, Suguru leaned against the wall to catch his breath. When he did, his temper exploded and only the sound of glass hitting the tiles of the floor made him aware that he'd broken one of the mirrors. Great. Add damage to school property to the list of crimes, as well as aggravated assault.

Staring at the glass, he slowly bent down and picked up a large piece with a sharp jagged tip. Moving to one of the intact mirrors as if in a daze, Suguru pulled his shirt away from his shoulder. Wine-colored eyes focused on the pale skin just before the tip bit into his flesh, immediately staining both crimson, and dragged down towards the main part of his chest.

Seeing, and not seeing, his own handiwork, Suguru immediately brought the glass to his left arm, slashing the back of it. If he'd done the other side, he could've bled to death. Dropping the glass shard, his fingers worked into the wounds before coming up to rest their bloody tips on the mirror.

He started drawing neat little note symbols, complete with their tails. These notes would eventually become part of the bridge that connected two segments of one of the Nightmare Melodies. The one that scared him the most. The one that called strongest to him. _Pain._

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

**Nightmare Melodies**

by: Zemia

Disclaimer: Nobody in the Gravitation universe belongs to me. I claim no kinship whatsoever and sing Maki Murakami's praises. The only thing I'm getting out of writing these is sick sadistic pleasure out of making the character's lives even more difficult.

**Chapter Four – Dreams Echo in a Hollow World**

"Jiro! Jiro!" called Suguru's mother, her voice echoing shrilly through the house. Firmly clasped, she dragged Suguru through the main hall, looking for her errant husband, muttering, "Where is that man? I swear, he's about as good at hiding and as lazy as you are." Taking hold of a servant's arm, she shoved Suguru into them. "Clean him up, and see that he's brought straight back to me."

"Yes, Fujisaki-san." The maid bowed, then led Suguru off to one of the bathrooms on the main floor, where they kept medical supplies.

------

The doors to Jiro's study burst open, causing him to fumble and drop one of his experiments. "Nami! Didn't you see the warning sign on the door?!"

"Never mind your useless dabbling. You need to speak with your son about what he's done to himself this time!" Mrs. Fujisaki waved off her husband's work as inconsequential.

Mr. Fujisaki put down his ruined glass and sighed, dusting his hands. "What do you mean, what he's done this time?"

"I mean, your son not only damaged school property, attacked one of his schoolmates, and cut himself!" Mrs. Fujisaki's voice had gotten, if possible, higher and more shrill.

"What?! Cut himself?!" Mr. Fujisaki bolted out the door, heading for the room where Suguru was being bandaged. "Suguru, let me see!" His fingers trailed along the wounds, eyes growing miserable. As he'd feared, his son was leaving them, one way or another. "Oh Su……. Why?"

"Because it doesn't matter." Suguru murmured, leaning against his father. "Because I hurt anyway, this hurts less."

Wrapping his arms around Suguru's shoulders, his father murmured, "I will make this better. I promise." Perhaps it was time to invest in Tohma's help. It would give Suguru an outlet away from his mother. If anything, Nami shouldn't even protest, considering their son would be sent to train under the man she wanted him to be as good as.

------

However, Nami Fujisaki had other plans in mind. Instead of coddling Suguru, she meant to give him a taste of shock therapy. The next day found Mrs. Fujisaki and Suguru at the front desk of Hokkaido's mental institution. "And where would he be kept, if we decided it was the only viable option?"

"Oh, he'd have a special room all to himself. We wouldn't want someone as talented as him, hurt by our other patients. But you should stay the day, see some of them, and if you're quite sure..."

Suguru ignored them as they discussed terms for possible entry. Wandering off, he peered into the door's window closest to him. Inside, there was a man half-off the bed, leaning back with an expression of what seemed like pain. Between his legs knelt another person with their head in the man's groin area. Then the man moaned.

Confused, he turned to blink at the staff person. _Why was no one coming to help rescue that man?!_ But the staff person just tugged him along, closing the window's slat. "That's not something a child should see..."

"I'm not a child." Suguru murmured, following along. It was easier to go willingly, then be hauled along like luggage. "Where's my mother?"

"She'll be back to pick you up in a little while." The orderly soothed gently, though her tone indicated, 'if you're good and behaved, proving you're not insane'.

Frowning, Suguru allowed the woman to escort him into a room that held a variety of patients his age, the ones deemed 'fit for social time'. Eyes dull and listless, he watched a few hug and rock themselves, a few playing pirates with the chess board pieces, and a few who thought the couch cushions were taffy and were plucking out pieces to chew on. His response to the situation, and his mother's abandonment was all of one word: "Whatever."

TBC


End file.
